Struggles of an average Zim men in diaspora

By Jacob Kudzayi Mutisi | Sep. 26, 2024

THE Zimbabwean diaspora, particularly in countries such as South Africa, the United Kingdom, Canada and the United States, has grown significantly in recent decades.

Driven by a desire to escape political instability, economic hardship and social unrest, Zimbabwean families have left their homeland in search of better opportunities.

However, for many Zimbabwean men in the diaspora, the dream of a better life abroad has been accompanied by a painful and largely unspoken reality, abuse at the hands of their wives.

Thank God if you have a good and understanding wife.

While domestic abuse is commonly framed as an issue where women are the victims, there is an increasing recognition that men, too, can be victims of abuse, especially in immigrant communities where cultural pressures, economic stresses and shifting gender dynamics complicate relationships, especially those that join their spouses on a dependent visa.

For Zimbabwean men in the diaspora, this type of abuse, often emotional, psychological, financial and sometimes physical remains a hidden crisis.

In Zimbabwean society, as in many other cultures, men traditionally occupy the role of breadwinners and head of the household.

This expectation is deeply ingrained in cultural norms, where a man’s worth is often tied to his ability to provide for his family financially and emotionally.

Keep Reading

However, when Zimbabwean men move to countries in the diaspora, these roles are often challenged.

Due to various factors such as work permits, qualification recognition and the scarcity of opportunities, many Zimbabwean men find themselves struggling to secure stable employment.

On the other hand, women in these families may adapt more quickly to the new environment, finding work, gaining financial independence and adjusting to societal norms where gender roles are less rigid.

This shift in power dynamics can lead to friction within the household, with some women becoming the primary breadwinners, while their husbands, who once held traditional roles of authority, now face disempowerment.

For some men, this change leads to emotional stress and a sense of emasculation, which can exacerbate marital tensions.

In some cases, women, feeling empowered by their newfound independence, may resort to controlling or abusive behaviour.

This abuse often manifests in various ways, including emotional manipulation, financial control and verbal denigration, leaving the men feeling trapped and powerless.

Some of the most prevalent forms of abuse faced by Zimbabwean men in the diaspora is emotional and psychological manipulation.

In many cases, women may belittle their husbands, using harsh words and criticism to undermine their sense of worth.

Men, who have lost their traditional roles as providers, are often reminded of their perceived inadequacies.

Common phrases like “you are useless” or “I am the one who brings in the money” become tools of manipulation, creating a hostile and degrading environment in the home.

The constant erosion of self-esteem can lead to depression, anxiety and a sense of isolation.

Men, who often avoid discussing their emotional struggles due to cultural expectations of stoicism, may suffer in silence, reluctant to reach out for help or acknowledge the abuse.

This internalisation of pain can have severe consequences on their mental health, sometimes leading to suicidal thoughts or other forms of self-harm.

Financial control is another form of abuse Zimbabwean men commonly experience in the diaspora.

When women become primary earners, they may use their economic power to manipulate or dominate their husbands.

This could involve limiting access to family funds, making financial decisions unilaterally, or even forcing their husbands to account for every penny they spend.

In more extreme cases, men may be denied access to their own earnings, especially in situations where joint bank accounts are controlled by the wives.

Financial abuse also includes women threatening to withdraw financial support, knowing that their husbands may not have the means to survive independently in a foreign country.

Verbal abuse, including insults, threat and constant criticism, is another form of maltreatment that many Zimbabwean men face.

In some instances, this escalates into physical violence.

Although physical abuse against men by their wives is less common and harder to quantify due to underreporting, it does occur, a lot.

Men may be slapped, hit or threatened with harm, but due to cultural perceptions that frame men as the stronger sex, they may feel ashamed to admit that they are victims of physical violence.

The stigma attached to being a male victim of domestic violence prevents many men from speaking out.

Society often views male victims with scepticism or humour and this adds to the barriers preventing men from seeking help.

In the Zimbabwean diaspora, where community ties are strong and the fear of gossip or public shaming is high, many men feel isolated and voiceless.

Another form of abuse prevalent among Zimbabwean men in the diaspora is the manipulation of legal systems.

In many Western countries, divorce laws, alimony and child custody rulings often favour the mother, particularly when there is a perception that the woman has been the primary caregiver.

Some women use these legal frameworks as leverage in abusive relationships, threatening to take the children away or file for divorce if their husbands do not comply with their demands.

The fear of losing their children or being entangled in costly legal battles can keep men trapped in abusive relationships.

For immigrants, navigating complex legal systems in a foreign country is daunting, especially when they lack financial resources, language skills or knowledge of the legal processes.

One of the biggest challenges Zimbabwean men face in addressing the abuse they experience at the hands of their wives is the cultural stigma surrounding male victimhood.

In the Zimbabwean and broader African culture, men are expected to be strong, stoic and capable of handling adversity.

Admitting to being a victim of abuse is often seen as a sign of weakness or emasculation.

This cultural expectation, combined with the fear of ridicule from peers, keeps many men silent.

Moreover, support systems for men experiencing abuse are limited.

In most countries, domestic violence shelters, hotlines and resources are tailored towards female victims, with little recognition or resources for male victims.

Zimbabwean men, who attempt to seek help, may be met with disbelief or a lack of understanding, further discouraging them from reporting abuse.

Abuse of Zimbabwean men in the diaspora by their wives is a problem that remains largely hidden from view, exacerbated by cultural stigma, societal expectations and legal complexities.

For change to happen, there needs to be greater recognition of the issue, both within Zimbabwean communities and in the wider society.

Support services must be more inclusive, offering resources and safe spaces for men to speak out about their experiences without fear of judgment or ridicule.

In addition, community leaders, counsellors and organisations working with the Zimbabwean diaspora must address the shifting dynamics of gender roles and power imbalances that migration can bring.

Encouraging open discussions about domestic abuse in all its forms, whether against men or women, is crucial for fostering healthier relationships and ensuring no victim, regardless of gender, suffers in silence.

Abuse of Zimbabwean men in the diaspora by their wives is a complex issue rooted in changing gender dynamics, migration stress and cultural expectations.

While the problem is often hidden, its impacts are profound, leaving many men trapped in cycles of emotional, financial and sometimes physical abuse.

To address this, there must be a collective effort to challenge traditional gender stereotypes, provide support systems for male victims and create spaces where men feel empowered to speak up about their experiences.

Jacob Kudzayi Mutisi is an engineer and the current chairperson of Zimbabwe Information & Communication Technology, a division of Zimbabwe Institution of Engineers. He writes here in his personal capacity.