SUCCESS takes an intentional effort and as such a thriving woman is one that has made a decision to grow spiritually, relationally, mentally, financially and emotionally.
In this column I (JN) interview Shamiso Kenneth (SK). She is the author of the book, A Thriving Woman.
JN: What does personal growth look like beyond career and relationships?
SK: Personal growth is the bedrock that sponsors the career and relationships.
It’s inclusive of mental and emotional development of an individual.
JN: How do you know if your partner is helping you grow — or holding you back?
SK: Growth is measurable, one can tell that they have moved from point A to point B and if the distinction is not there then one might be stagnant.
You can tell your partner is making you grow when you can suddenly do things you couldn’t do without them or do better what you could only do good.
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If they belittle or devalue “every” small achievement or dream that you understand and know you have or will thrive in it, then they are holding you back.
The Bible says when two are better than one so if a novice becomes confident then we can measure growth.
JN: Let’s talk about competition and competitiveness? How do we avoid competition, as you stay competitive?
SK: Competition is classified in two. We have healthy competition and unhealthy competition.
All acts are separated by motives, if motive is combined goals then it's all good.
JN: What are the subtle signs of emotional or psychological abuse?
SK: To the abused person at times there is low self-esteem.
Always on extremely defensive mode because they are used to being blamed for everything. Confusion and loss of memory.
The brain is shut down causing depression and built up anger. Gaining weight and bad skin. Fear of opening up to your partner even on big decisions
To the abuser, manipulative behaviours that makes the next person feel like they are of no value.
Gas lighting happens when a partner continually undermines and distorts their partner’s reality by denying the truth and facts, the situation around them, or their partner’s feelings and needs.
Inflicting pain without any remorse. Verbal words like “You are not enough”.
JN: Can stepping away from a relationship be the first step toward healing?
SK: Yes it can be a step towards healing because at times you can’t expect “healing in the same place that hurt you”.
When you expose the wound to the cause you are only worsening the situation.
JN: Is divorce a failure—or a powerful act of self-respect?
SK: We can’t term it a failure or applaud it as self-respect because at times, God wants us to choose Him and also choose ourselves as well, not allowing ourselves to always be sacrificial lambs at the table of others.
