FOR anyone such as Muckraker, who was lucky enough to read George Orwell’s many books, but specifically Animal Farm, and Ken Saro Wiwa’s Prisoners of Jebs, they would certainly find life in this sorry apology for a country a bit tolerable because the experience that they are being made to go through presents an opportunity to live these books.
For Zimbos, their Animal Farm life started this week with the announcement of the Second Republic’s “best performers” in 2024, with Transport and (No)-Infrastructure Development minister Felix Mhona — who is presiding over a decrepit road network, emerging top performer, and performance in the appropriate sense of the word!
We were told that several of Mhona’s colleagues satisfied their master by meeting set targets, while dozens of others from various parastatals, commissions and other state-run feeding troughs also performed to the expected (mediocre) standards.
Amid this wild celebration of the Second Republic’s “achievements”, those that see huge craters on the roads — even at toll gates — hospitals without drugs, police camps without stationery and those getting fed on handouts from various donors and everyone witnessing the rot that is worsening by the day start to wonder against all wonder in the world what really is going on.
These are not alone — even Muck is wondering too. This would have been hilarious if it was not tragic. Sadly, this is the reality that Zimbos have to live with — where failure is celebrated as achievement and poor performance is actually rewarded and encouraged.
Relieved indeed!
The run-away victory of Cde Kirsty Coventry in the race for the presidency of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) is being celebrated tails off by the Party as a vote of confidence in the leadership of the country.
We can only hope this was true. Someone was asking Muck, suppose it was Cde “Dr” Tatenda Mavetera or any other members of the current cabinet, who was in the Sports portfolio and had entered that IOC race, would the result have been the same?
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This week a statement from Chief Secretary to the Owner & Co “Dr” Martin Rushwaya notified Zimbos that Owner had “relieved” Cde Coventry of her position as minister of Sports, Recreation, Arts and Culture following her election to the presidency of the IOC.
Don’t ask Muck, what it really means to relieve someone from a job — just know that the same thing simultaneous happened to Anselem Sanyatwe, the commander of the Zimbabwe National Army, who has since replaced Cde Coventry.
Someone suggested that this country being Zimbabwe, who knows that Cde 45 Degrees could be getting positioned and groomed for Fifa’s top post!
It certainly should have been a real relief indeed for Cde Coventry. A majority of Zimbos thought she was one of the most useless of ministers in the post-Independence Zimbabwe, but the sad reality is that these people expect a minister to perform miracles even where miracles do not work.
No matter how good one can be, they cannot do anything beyond what the system allows. It is not called a system for no reason!
Now that she has been discharged from the cult, we hope that she is now free to shine. Many blamed her for not doing anything about the country’s stadiums, at least they now know the truth!
Lying as official policy
When lying becomes official government policy, you know that you are in a real mess.
Just like Muck, most of those who have been Zimbo for long enough are now instinctively trained to be extra-cautious when they are dealing with their own government — from the days when it was strenuously denied that a genocide was taking place in some parts of this country to the time when Joseph Made would claim to have done an aerial crop survey as to assure them of a bumper harvest and a half, right to this day when government officials confidently give statistics of goats said to have been distributed to communities (when no such goats have been given out).
This is the type of government that Zimbos have gotten used to — a government that lies at each and every turn.
Don’t they say a fish rots from the head? What can one expect? Owner himself is a liar, so would it be surprising that the ministry of Transport could issue a statement lying about the state of the Bulawayo-Victoria Falls road?
Or that the police release falsehoods about cases involving its members, or that Nick Mangwana, the government’s “spin-nurse”, is always firing lies from all cylinders?
In fact the more one lies, the better their chances of getting promoted and rewarded.
Currently, the government is trying to reassure citizens that in the aftermath of the US$522 million aid cut by the United States government and its agencies, they should not panic because the situation is under control.
In fact (no)-Health minister Douglas Mombeshora claimed that the cut came when the government was already in the process of weaning itself from donor reliance! Don’t laugh, for this no laughing matter!
Despite government lies that there are enough ARVs — notwithstanding some clinics already turning away those seeking ARVs — the reality is that these life-saving drugs will increasingly become difficult to access.
Expect to see ARVs in pharmacies being priced beyond the reach of the ordinary people (who need them most). Expect to see the black-market filling in the gap with genuine looking placebos.
Expect to see ARVs being exchanged for votes. Expect some people to become filthy rich on the back of those with HIV/Aids — remember the Covid masks selling for US$28 in Harare?
Another joke …
We are told that the Owners of the country, frustrated that their subjects are refusing to swallow the ZiG that is being foisted down their throats, are now seriously considering “banning” the use of the dollar.
It looks like someone has gotten tired of being taken seriously. If you are a government and you want to know whether or not you really are in full control, then just check how citizens comply the monetary and fiscal policies that you put in place — that tells whether the people that you claim to be yours really trust you or not.
In the case of this country, that trust was lost decades. No de-dollarisation will ever happen until the country gets a credible government, in fact in a corrupt country like this, such a measure would never be taken because bribes and kickbacks are sweeter in US$ ... besides, what incentive would be offered to those deployed to enforce the ban?
Cheering a bleak future
After threats by Geza & Co, Owner decided to bribe the country’s youths with a US$2 million Youth Empowerment Fund. In a normal country, that amount is way less than what gainfully-empowered youths would collectively earn in a single day — that tells you how out of touch those who are insisting on leading them really are.
In fact, that amount is less than what it costs most neighbouring countries daily in social welfare grants to their citizens, yet in this country such change money is subject of pomp and fanfare.
Our standards have become dangerously low. Sadly, it is the youths who, instead of demanding change, are cheering their own bleak future.
